Sunday, November 15, 2009 1:07am

Long time no visit my own blog, I don't think got people visit here also. Good also, can give me some private space.

Life is miserable. Every moment is getting worst. Every time also come across something that you felt is the worst thing ever and you can't get through it. I know end up everything will be fine perhaps (because I realize that I am not really that easy to die suddenly and the world will never end while I am living), but frankly speaking, I don't like the feeling.

I can't find my aim in life. I can't find the path to become what I want. I know what I lack of, but I don't know how to improve it.

I don't feel I am needed. I mean maybe I am needed, but the people that need me can't accept me also. They need me in terms of their perspective. And the people that I need don't feel like needed by me. Human relationship is such a complicated stuff. Start to understand why man's world most relationship are maintained through advantages, because relationship itself is too weak and unpredictable.

Saturday when I drove home from work, suddenly I feel very lonely. Am I still not mature enough because I still feel lonely? Anyway started to get use of staying alone.

Human usually can't accept other people do something bad. But they will do the thing themselves. Selfish? Human just hope to protect own benefits. Or perhaps they just want to survive. I now truly understand the feeling when no money. I always don't like other people do something yet myself did the same thing. Sometime I feel am I too kind to survive in this world? Am I too easy to understand other people situation that put myself in a difficult position? Is it all the feeling occurred because I still not mature enough. Just wonder how many more I need to improve before i really feel succeed.

Still owe friend a lot of debt, really feel sorry for them...

i really don't like these, these is really the darkness moment in my life, and when I imagine that there are darker then these, I lose the faith and courage to continue......

This whole post is so meaningless, hope next time I will have mood to share more informative issue.